A sudden shift in mood and content. I feel some sort of obligation to address a sudden and recent change in my life. The best forum for this to be made would I assume be here. I dont really care to toss it out into the Facebook time portal and Twitter doesnt allow me to express myself beyond 140 characters. So here's this...
I quit my band. No, it's not because I have a baby on the way. Although the free time allowed by this is an excellent convenience. And no it's not because I don't want to be in a band or making music. I love music, and even after quitting I immediately felt the urge to make a Craigslist ad and make a new band.
Why I quit, is that I realized that the people around me in the band didn't care. They didn't care about the music we were making, and they didn't care about making enough noise so that people would hear about us. So, I quit. I found myself writing to bloggers and college radio station DJs every day in my down time and while working on this 2nd album it was getting harder and harder just to get all of us in the same room one day out of the week. The contrast was out of control. I was putting more and more time into it while everyone else was slowly withdrawing. On top of that, my input was constantly being debated and questioned. My professional and creative ideas were shot down and replaced with "I don't know what to do but I don't want to do that" far too often. I'm upset with myself for actually trying so hard for so long when it should have been obvious that this was not the best use of my time.
One lesson learned is that if I ever start a band again, which is a long shot, I'll never start a band again with people who have supportive parents! People who have supportive parents don't care about anything they do because they have this safety net below them. Correction, they care on a self conscious level. They're afraid of losing face or cool points but if they fail financially, someone will be there to buy them a new car, or give them a place to stay, or bail them out of jail. These sheltered people can only try halfheartedly because they haven't developed the heart to put themselves fully out there because they've never had real turmoil or real challenges. They've never had hard times and believe it or not folks, hard times makes a real artist.
But, the damage is done. I'm out and the remaining folks will either figure out how to finish the album and do it, or they'll spiral off into whatever and they won't. At least I got the EP and some good gigs around the U.S. out of the deal. And I had some fun too! But I'm tired of being asked why I quit and feeling some sort of obligation to be nice and nod when they ask if it was because of the baby. It wasnt because of my baby. If the band was working, I would have found the time to make it work. I had a member who didn't want to write or create any kind of content whatsoever and who was either unwilling or unable to contribute to material they didn't write. I had another member that would have an emotional shutdown if anything they were playing was criticized or questioned. I had another member that could not maintain solid time, or play the same part twice. I had another member that couldn't write anything and all of their parts were written by other members, and I had another member that didn't care to even be in a band. Alongside those musical factors, the only member besides myself that was interested in taking part of the promotional side of things did not have the mind, stomach or heart for it. And if any of the members of the band read this, I'm not trying to be offensive or hurt your feelings. I'm just being honest. It might be mean, but it's honest.
What is it about a band eh? In romantic relationships I was always able
to kill it the second it was a problem for me. I was brutal. I was evil
incarnate. If you were an inconvenience, you were gone. But with bands,
I'll put up with the most unusual and trying circumstances if the music
is fun for me to play. Maybe it's the same with the other folks. Maybe
they all want out but didn't have the nut sack to make the first move.
No one has made the 2nd move yet.
Understand this kids, if you want to start a band, do it when you're fucking homeless. Start a band when you have nothing so that your band becomes your everything. Do that so when you play a show, the stage is the closest thing you have to a home. If you're getting off stage and you get into a car your Mommy bought for you, then go to a Waffle House ironically and eat with money they put into a debit account for you, chances are your band is going to fucking suck! And do you think you're going to want to get into a van to play shit house venues out of town when your parents let you live in their house? Fuck no you're not gonna want to do that. If your band is everything to you and everything to the members in it, your band will kill the crowd every night. Unless you and your band suck, and then that's it. You suck.
And that's why I don't see myself starting another band anytime soon. I got a Wife and a daughter on the way. We're going to start house shopping once things settle down after the birth and we drift back into a routine. Things are too comfortable and too stable for me to passionately play on stage and inspire people to live with my music. I'd like to be that guy, but I'm not.
I'm still willing to play for money though ;)
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