This past weekend was a beautiful one in Nashville. The Sun was out and the temperature was timid. So naturally this was an excuse to get outside and grill some chicken. Flip and baste is your mantra. Flip and baste is your reality. Flip and baste is your end all, be all. You must be centered when grilling chicken because you must walk the line of caramelizing your sauce without burning your chicken or drying it out too much. Im not the best in the world, but I'm getting there.
After a big grilled chicken dinner, its best to let that digest while watching something that will conduce a quality bowel movement. So, in comes Hellbound: Hellraiser II. Personally, I feel that Hellraiser 2 is just as solid as the first. Depending on my mood I can and will interchange which of the two is my series favorite and today my favorite is part II. Anyway, Hellbound follows Kirsty after her ordeal with the Cenobites in the fist film. Shes in a psych ward where no one believes what shes been through. This installment increases the blood, the gore and the Cenobite count. Dr. Channard becomes Queen Bee for about 5 minutes while he lives out his Sadistic and masochistic fantasies. He even takes out the other cenobites.
In Hellbound we get a peak at Pinhead's human life. Apparently there was an entire subplot dedicated to Captain Bradley that was put on the shelf, only to be explored in part 3, which is of course what I watched next.
Hellraiser III: Hell picks up with Pinhead trapped in the block he was stuck in at the end of Hellbound. A Sculptor playboy is now the owner. Pinhead eventually escapes by getting his gentleman host to lure victims to him so he can use their blood. After he is unleashed by the blood of the sculptor he goes on a killing spree while trying to destroy the box that can send him back to hell. Along the way, he makes some Cenobites and has a mock crucifixion. We also get tons of back story which culminates in a showdown between Captain Bradley and Pinhead. While it's not the best in the series, its the last really strong film in the bunch.
Before the weekend started, I think I finally figured out a way to monetize my love for horror films without being sued or completely bored. But, its a craft that I'm going to have to learn and it wont be easy or quick. With the impending birth of little Avett, there will be even less time to really jump into it, but thats ok. I have plenty of time to learn this craft and once the quality is where it needs to be, I will have a marketing plan in place. Im actually kind of proud of myself. Im not going to spill the beans to who ever might read this blog yet as to what the idea is, because its not too hard to do. But just know I think I have it.
I know a lot of Freddy fans. Hell, I'm sure most people know a lot of Freddy fans. A Nightmare on Elm Street and its 6 sequels are the Pepsi Cola of Horror. Freddy is easily as recognizable as Jesus, Lady Gaga and Barack Obama. Mr. Krueger is more popular than Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees and Chucky combined. But what most of his fans will say, is, "My favorite movie is whatever, but I hate blah blah". Or they'll say, "The first one is the only good one." And, you know when I was 17 I might have been right there with you. Growing up, my favorites were the original and part 3. I had an onslaught of reasons as to why I was correct and why you were wrong for finding any sort of appeal in the remainder of sub-par films. But, I'm here to say that I was wrong. I was wrong, and if you think there isn't something worthwhile or special about any of these films, you're wrong too. And here's why...
A Nightmare on Elm Street
Its got to be hard to not like the original. In my humble opinion, it's a perfect horror movie. Robert Englund had yet to really figure out the character and when it came to Krueger's dialogue, less was definitely more. The kills have yet to be topped. When Tina is dragged across the entirety of the room bleeding from her gut, I am still amazed at the creativity. The score, was the perfect blend of ambiance and the best synthesizers of the time. The dream sequences opened up in natural and unassuming ways leaving the viewer open to being surprised when they had the realization that it was too late for the protagonists. Nancy's final fight with Krueger was as realistic as it could have been and John Saxon just being in the movie took it up about 50 points of awesome. Bottom line is if this film is not one you like, I don't like you.
A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge
Imagine that you're a singer in a fairly decent country rock band in the late 1950s. You and your band have landed yourself a slot on a young Elvis Presley tour. Your opening every night and warming up the kiddies just right. Then one night, the King needs to go on first and he tears the house down. He does his show and it seems like that on this night, Elvis has found another gear and he kills the crowd even more than usual. Now there you are, trying to follow Elvis with your little band. That's how I think of Freddy's Revenge and when I think of it that way, it puts things into a better perspective. They lost Wes Craven as a writer which was a huge blow to the franchise and film. The Freddy ethos had been established but not set in stone which left the door open to the possession angle that was taken. Now while things could have been done better, this is still a pretty solid movie. First, the homosexual subtext which I wrote a blog about previously is kind of a nice little surprise for those as oblivious as me. The school bus opening is fantastic. They established a Nancy connection with the diary setting up the potential to have Nancy come aboard in further movies. The locker room scene is pretty hilarious, and who doesn't love a hot redhead in a horror flick? With the gaping plot holes and lackluster ending, I can only defend this movie so much but I think its a decent horror film, and while its one of my least favorite of the series it's not unwatchable.
A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors
This is an excellent film and it is an excellent Freddy movie. First off, Wes Craven is back writing. And Nancys back! Right? Nancy is all grown up and is a psychiatrist who is specializes in dreams and dream therapy. Shes also a raging hypnocil addict. Anyway, the dream sequences in part 3 are in my opinion the best in the series. They were mostly old school effects with little to no CGI. The giant snake "penis" Freddy is disgusting and horrifying. Zsa Zsa gabor makes a crazy cameo and not a week goes by that I don't scream at my Wife, "Where's the fucking bourbon?!"
Oh yeah, John Saxon is back and drunk again! That old bastard! And is it just me or does Dr. Gordon look like Bill Maher? This movie is single handedly responsible for me being turned on by nurses. Need I say more?
A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master
A dog named Jason pees and resurrects Freddy. That's a sucky way to get things going. Maybe it was Kristen pulling the other Dream Warriors into a Freddy dream of hers that got things juiced up, but that wasnt really established. With that throw aside, you have a pretty good looking cast of ladies in this film and for my money's worth, it doesnt get much better than Toy Newkirk as Sheila Kopecky.
HELLO NURSE!!!
If that's not enough for you, Nightmare 4 had the most unusual kills in the series. You got asthma, cockroaches, and even 80s style Kung Fu! You also see the demise of the remaining dream warriors and in Alice you have the potential for another protagonist to carry the torch against Freddy.
A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child
That's right! Alice is back, I guess. To be honest, there inst much that I can say is good about this film except for the extrapolation on Freddy's back story. The focus on Freddy's Mother and the scenes of the Asylum are pretty fantastic. But unfortunately for me and fortunately for some Freddy is knee deep in sarcastic wise cracking douche bag mode instead of the silent masochistic sadist. But, like I said, there's a little nugget of awesome in all of the movies. The ending sequence is fantastic and if I'm being honest with myself, Amanda Kreuger is kinda hot in this one.
Freddy's Dead
There's a theme running here. For me, the further down the line we go, the less interested I find myself being with Freddy and the more interested I find myself being in his back story and Springwood and fortunately there is a lot of back story content in this one. Freddy's
Dead was the last in the series, kinda. Springwood has gotten to
the point that the little city has become a ghost town. Only child obsessed maniacs inhabit what's left of Springwood. We learn some things about Freddy and his twisted real life. Rosanne, Tom Arnold
and Johnny Depp all make special appearances and while the 3D content is laughable now, I remember seeing it in theaters as a little kid and enjoying the shit out of it. Oh yeah, and my personal favorite one liner from the movie...
This is a must see.
A New Nightmare
Finally! Wes Craven is back! And did he come back with a gargantuan attempt to revitalize the franchise and take a swing at all the would be folks that tried to fill his shoes? Unfortunately, it wasn't really his best effort. Not until Scream will Craven achieve what he achieved with the original Nightmare. And back off! I like People Under the Stairs! But its no Nightmare! With that being said, this is still a solid movie and it has an awesome plot. The execution inst that bad, but there is something about Heather's acting when she's playing herself that just kinda pisses me off. I can't put my finger on it. But the kills in the movie are fantastic and the updated look of Freddy is aesthetically pleasing to say the least. There's no reason not to own this movie.
Im not going to mention Freddy vs Jason or the remake of the original here. I think both of those films have their pros and cons but this is about the original series. Even putting New Nightmare in there is kind of a stretch.
So, if you have it in your head that you hate any of these movies, watch them again. Go and find something to love because they're worth it. Ill post a montage of all the kills from the series. I dare you not to get juiced up!
A sudden shift in mood and content. I feel some sort of obligation to address a sudden and recent change in my life. The best forum for this to be made would I assume be here. I dont really care to toss it out into the Facebook time portal and Twitter doesnt allow me to express myself beyond 140 characters. So here's this...
I quit my band. No, it's not because I have a baby on the way. Although the free time allowed by this is an excellent convenience. And no it's not because I don't want to be in a band or making music. I love music, and even after quitting I immediately felt the urge to make a Craigslist ad and make a new band.
Why I quit, is that I realized that the people around me in the band didn't care. They didn't care about the music we were making, and they didn't care about making enough noise so that people would hear about us. So, I quit. I found myself writing to bloggers and college radio station DJs every day in my down time and while working on this 2nd album it was getting harder and harder just to get all of us in the same room one day out of the week. The contrast was out of control. I was putting more and more time into it while everyone else was slowly withdrawing. On top of that, my input was constantly being debated and questioned. My professional and creative ideas were shot down and replaced with "I don't know what to do but I don't want to do that" far too often. I'm upset with myself for actually trying so hard for so long when it should have been obvious that this was not the best use of my time.
One lesson learned is that if I ever start a band again, which is a long shot, I'll never start a band again with people who have supportive parents! People who have supportive parents don't care about anything they do because they have this safety net below them. Correction, they care on a self conscious level. They're afraid of losing face or cool points but if they fail financially, someone will be there to buy them a new car, or give them a place to stay, or bail them out of jail. These sheltered people can only try halfheartedly because they haven't developed the heart to put themselves fully out there because they've never had real turmoil or real challenges. They've never had hard times and believe it or not folks, hard times makes a real artist.
But, the damage is done. I'm out and the remaining folks will either figure out how to finish the album and do it, or they'll spiral off into whatever and they won't. At least I got the EP and some good gigs around the U.S. out of the deal. And I had some fun too! But I'm tired of being asked why I quit and feeling some sort of obligation to be nice and nod when they ask if it was because of the baby. It wasnt because of my baby. If the band was working, I would have found the time to make it work. I had a member who didn't want to write or create any kind of content whatsoever and who was either unwilling or unable to contribute to material they didn't write. I had another member that would have an emotional shutdown if anything they were playing was criticized or questioned. I had another member that could not maintain solid time, or play the same part twice. I had another member that couldn't write anything and all of their parts were written by other members, and I had another member that didn't care to even be in a band. Alongside those musical factors, the only member besides myself that was interested in taking part of the promotional side of things did not have the mind, stomach or heart for it. And if any of the members of the band read this, I'm not trying to be offensive or hurt your feelings. I'm just being honest. It might be mean, but it's honest.
What is it about a band eh? In romantic relationships I was always able
to kill it the second it was a problem for me. I was brutal. I was evil
incarnate. If you were an inconvenience, you were gone. But with bands,
I'll put up with the most unusual and trying circumstances if the music
is fun for me to play. Maybe it's the same with the other folks. Maybe
they all want out but didn't have the nut sack to make the first move.
No one has made the 2nd move yet.
Understand this kids, if you want to start a band, do it when you're fucking homeless. Start a band when you have nothing so that your band becomes your everything. Do that so when you play a show, the stage is the closest thing you have to a home. If you're getting off stage and you get into a car your Mommy bought for you, then go to a Waffle House ironically and eat with money they put into a debit account for you, chances are your band is going to fucking suck! And do you think you're going to want to get into a van to play shit house venues out of town when your parents let you live in their house? Fuck no you're not gonna want to do that. If your band is everything to you and everything to the members in it, your band will kill the crowd every night. Unless you and your band suck, and then that's it. You suck.
And that's why I don't see myself starting another band anytime soon. I got a Wife and a daughter on the way. We're going to start house shopping once things settle down after the birth and we drift back into a routine. Things are too comfortable and too stable for me to passionately play on stage and inspire people to live with my music. I'd like to be that guy, but I'm not.
A while back, I had an idea for a column and shopped it around to a couple of outlets. I didn't really get any takers except for one. A small local horror zine. It was to be published in it, but unfortunately the issue was never to be printed. So, I figured I have a blog! Why not post it here?
So, I give you Debunking Horror Nostalgia!
Let’s start
this thing out right. Please understand that I know that what I’m attempting to
accomplish is an impossibility. If there is a horror film you love, or perhaps you saw when you were
young or dating the right person then there is nothing that can be said
about that film that can diminish any bit of the appeal it has for you. For
instance, no matter how awful a film it really might be, “A Nightmare on Elm
Street 3: The Dream Warriors” is a horror masterpiece in my eyes. The place that
it has earned in my heart might have more to do with seeing it when I was at
the right age, and less to do with the acting, plot or special effects. All of
which of course are top notch and if you disagree with me, I will fight you
with my bare hands!
With that
introduction out of the way, I present to you the first film to hit my
nostalgic chopping block…
THE AMITYVILLE HORROR
In case you didn’t
know, The Amityville Horror is an American Horror film made in 1979 that was
based on the novel by Jay Anson which is actually still a good read. The plot
is loosely based on the “real life” supernatural experiences of the Lutz family.
They buy a home on the now infamous Ocean Avenue in Amityville, New York. It’s
the classic young couple buy a haunted house and everything goes to Hell story.
It has spawned several sequels, and a remake which isn’t as bad as you might think.
Now, growing
up I had this deeply instilled impression that The Amityville Horror was some
sort of untouchable horror golden goose. I placed it high on a mental pedestal
besides other films that scared me when I was young. Films like Pet Sematary,
Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, and Halloween. But when 17 year old me
bought this on DVD and re-watched it for the first time since renting it on VHS
when I was 10, I was taught a lesson on selective memory.
First, there were a lot of fantastic establishing shots and
the overall look of the film is okay for what it is. The score is a highpoint for
me. And the last bit of good is more of a bad technically. The main
images that stuck with me and the main reason I remember the film being worthwhile in the first place were from the montage shots of the Defeo murders. That’s like only remembering the
volleyball montage from Top Gun and thinking it was a strange homo-erotic beach
flick.
The things
that were supposed to be scary just aren’t.
When Father
Delaney comes to bless the house and the flies swarm, I’ve had more flies on my
sandwich outside of a Panera Bread. GET OUT! Really? You're supposed to be the
personification of pure evil and that’s the best you can muster? 17 house
flies, indigestion and a case of the squinty eyes?
And as if to prove me wrong.
As if to say, “No sarcastic writer guy! I gots more!” Father Delaney becomes a metaphorical Job and falls victim to countless mishaps. He has
blisters after a phone call. His car has brake problems. None of his superiors
in the church believe him or seem to care. Eventually he suffers an all-out
mental breakdown leaving the Lutzes to tend to their own problems. This whole
chain of events plays out more like a Benny Hill sketch than a sub plot to a
horror film.
Meanwhile,
George played by James Brolin slowly turns into a poor man’s Jack Torrence and develops
an interest in temperature control and fire stoking persistence. Mrs. Lutz is
seeing pig eyes in windows. The kids are having windows fall on their hands and
special meetings with imaginary friends in hostile places. Even the family dog
is taking part in the abuse by taking an interest in carpentry. None of this is
mildly scary. It’s barely interesting. If anything, I’d suspect there was a gas
leak before ghosts.
Then the
bubbling from the toilet starts alongside the bloody walls. Then there’s the
3:15 am angle. They’re trying so hard to scare us that they’ve forgotten that
it has to kind of, at least a little, make sense. Eventually they learn about
an Indian burial ground, a devil worshiper guy named Ketchup or Ketchum and
during a rainstorm the Lutz's grow weary of the supernatural abuse and they leave
to another state.
If you need
to soak this story in, READ THE BOOK or watch the remake staring Van Wilder which is actually better. While I will never watch this again unless I need
something to sleep to, the dialogue makes things just a little easier to
swallow.I’ll leave you with a few of my
favorite lines.
“I think it's bureaucratical bullshit! What
do you think I am? I am not some pink-cheeked seminarian who doesn't know the
difference between the supernatural and a bad clam!” Father Delaney
“I'd blame Detroit a lot faster than the
Devil. It seems like every month there's some kind of recall.” Father Ryan
“I'm coming apart! Oh, mother of God, I'm
coming apart!” George Lutz
I recently took a trip to Pennsylvania for my day job. It was a week spent in a hotel room. Originally in my head I thought it would be a week spent watching horror movie anthologies and starting the foundation of research necessary for the book idea I have in my head. But instead it was a week full of dark beer, junk food and Netflix binge watching.
The real bitch of it was I only watched 20 minutes of one Horror movie anthology. Its a German made silent film called "Destiny". It was released in the US in 1921 under a different name and it is one of the first Horror Anthology films ever made. It had a profound and lasting effect on Alfred Hitchcock's opinion of the genre and so on and so forth. But, whether it was the lack of stimulation in my surroundings, a lack of caffeine or perhaps just genuine boredom I couldn't keep my attention on it and I fell asleep. That one act of bodily defiance sums up my entire trip. I had the best intentions but my mind and body were so resistant to my will that they just went and ate an 8 pack of Nathan's hot dogs and watched the first season of Maron instead of Google searching Destiny and Fritz Lang.
After watching a lot of Marc Maron over last week, I find myself relating to one of his bits more than the others. Marc goes on about his post adolescent mission to rediscover and finally understand Captain Beefheart. While Marc was carrying one of Beefheart's records, a random dude says to him in passing, "Trying to catch up huh?" and Marc finds himself thinking, "That's all I'm doing." He hears what probably was a reference to a record in his hand and realizes that his whole life he might have been a few steps behind. In just music appreciation? In romantic relationships? In "Life achievements"? Who knows how he took it?
I know how I'd take it. While I've always been appreciative of horror movies and the genre in general, I have fell behind. And I am struggling to catch up. It's more than a matter of finding the time, because it's also a matter of finding the motivation. When you geek out in your teens, you dive right in. In my teens, my geek drive was deep in music and poetry. My body of work from those times speaks to that. I haved saved countless pages of poetry that really suck. I have countless riffs and song ideas that will never come to fruition that I created in my teens. And my ability as a song writer and poet are pretty solid now due to years of practice, failure and study. Want to test me? Here's a haiku to sum up my week in PA...
Your glow cradles me
Television lullaby
Where can I find rest?
Yeah, so I can write poetry, and I can write a solid song structure and lyrical concept. But what I really want to learn and study now is the horror genre. I want to be the nerd that I am in my head and heart, but with being almost 30, I find it harder to actually give a shit. I find it harder TO CARE about which Italian director was the most influential and inspirational of the 70s, or TO CARE about why Tom Savini is the special effects king of the 70s and 80s, or TO CARE about all the horror coming out in the next 5 years.
Im struggling to catch up! The movies and franchises I followed when I was young...ReAnimator, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, Friday the 13th, and a handful of American classics have all aged like fine wines in my head, but its getting harder to develop that level of appreciation for other films that are on the same level because I have not been introduced to them while I was young.
APPRECIATION IS SUBJECTIVE BITCHES!!!
Horror is like music in that you love the films you saw when you were young because you were young. Youth is an elixir that is wasted on the young. Its a fucking scam and while in that shifty hotel I realized that 16 year old Chris would of had a fucking field day with this trip. In deciding to take on this project, I've already opened up a can of worms I didn't expect. I've already confronted the fact that I'm old. 30 years old in June. And with age may come wisdom, but with age goes passion.
